Operating From Enough: The Competitive Advantage No One Talks About

0:08 SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Warriors Haven Podcast, the place where discipline meets purpose and everyday people become unstoppable. I'm your host, Jaisha Sutherland, a retired Army drill sergeant, single mom, and the founder of the Warriors Haven. Around here, we talk fitness, mindset, and the mission of building a stronger you, mentally, physically, and financially. Because this isn't just about the gym. It's about life, leadership, and living on your terms. So gear up, lock in, and let's step into the haven where warriors are made.

0:54 SPEAKER_03: What if I told you that the thing driving you to become better, work harder, accomplish more, and constantly level up might actually be the same thing keeping you exhausted? Is it safe to ask? How much of your life have you spent trying to prove that you're enough? Enough for the job, enough for the relationship, enough for your family, enough as a leader, enough as a parent, enough as a business owner. And here's the uncomfortable question. What if your next level doesn't require you to prove anything at all?

1:39 SPEAKER_03: Because we talk constantly about discipline, ambition, confidence, productivity, and becoming the best version of ourselves. But we don't talk enough about where that drive is coming from. Are you growing because you're inspired by who you can become? Or are you grinding because some part of you believes that who you are right now isn't enough? That's the difference between operating from enough and operating for enough. And that distinction can completely change how you lead, how you make decisions, how you handle stress, how you show up in relationships, and ultimately how you build your life.

2:36 SPEAKER_03: Because here's the click. You may not have a motivation problem. You may have an I'm not enough problem. And if that's true, working harder isn't necessarily going to fix it. Today, we're going to unpack what happens when you stop chasing validation and start operating from a place of enough without becoming complacent, lazy, or satisfied with less than you're capable of. Because being enough doesn't mean you stop growing. It means you stop using growth as proof that you're worthy. And I'm having this conversation with someone who I think is going to challenge the way you see yourself, your leadership, and your next level.

3:36 SPEAKER_03: Mr. Steve Barton is joining me today on the Warriors Haven podcast, and we're going deep into the psychology of enough, the connection between self-worth and performance, how to move from overthinking and stress into clarity and confident action, and what it really means to operate at a level 10. So before you hit play, I want you to ask yourself one question. If I truly believed I was already enough, what would I stop doing? And what would I finally have the courage to start doing?

4:24 SPEAKER_03: Let's get into it. Oh, Mr. Steve, good morning. Welcome to the Warriors Haven podcast. I am so happy to have you. How are you this morning?

4:35 SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to have uh to be interviewed by my favorite drill sergeant. And I can't wait. I expect you to have me do push-ups and and and relapse.

4:46 SPEAKER_03: I got you. I got you. We'll do that on, we'll do that on the back end. We can I don't know if we can not air, and then we gotta do that on the back end. All right, Mrs. Steve, I think we have a very special episode for all of our listeners all over the world. Um, this episode, I really want to talk to you, kind of put you in the hot seat when it comes to the word enough. Um I'm I think it's a word that we don't hear enough about. You see what I did there? Um Steve, um, I want to start with something that I think a lot of high performers struggle with, um, but not necessarily talk about.

5:26 SPEAKER_03: This feeling that no matter what we accomplish, we're still not doing enough. When you hear the words, I am enough, what does that actually mean to you?

5:40 SPEAKER_00: Well, to me, I've done this is my this is what I coach on. It's part of the game of 10, is uh three of the phrases are I am enough, I do enough, and I have enough. So often people confuse their self, their being, the I am enough. That is the I am. We're an aspect of the I am. So, but they confuse their being with their thoughts, their feelings, their emotions, their mind, their body, their uh identity, their skill sets. That's the confusion. They think they are their thoughts, they think they are their role, they think they are their um body, they think they are their mind, they think, but that's that's the cart leading the horse.

6:31 SPEAKER_00: So the horse is your being. You are you are the prize, you are the carrot, and you are the being experiencing all the other things. So we are the I think why now the the key to this uh alignment is be the observer of your thoughts, of your feelings, of your emotions, of your skills, your skill set, your thoughts, all that, your personal can be developed. It is not who you are, and you have to come from a place of enough to say, to give yourself a break all the time. So often the the saboteur, the ego comes in who's been running the show.

7:14 SPEAKER_00: Hey, says, I'm you, hey, you made me the boss. What happened? And I good enough, right?

7:19 SPEAKER_03: Right. So, where do you think we learn that we're not enough?

7:26 SPEAKER_00: Oh, by our parents, by our grandparents, by our friends, by our teachers, by our uh uh own self, and we are conditioned to think, and we are traumatized, traumatized, traumatized by thoughts, you know. Jay, what were you thinking? How could you how could you do that? You're punished for thinking wrong. Yeah, and there's the shame. I'm wrong, I'm bad, the guilt, the uh it's just so we're traumatized by thought. That's why we if I just thought better, if I can just solve this problem by thinking it through.

8:06 SPEAKER_00: Right, and you can't. So you really have to learn to let go of your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions so that you can operate from a space of aware awareness, and that space is the present moment, now is always enough.

8:28 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. So, Mr. Steve, do you think high achievers struggle with this more than most people?

9:35 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, because they they strive to be the best. And what I coach people are in from the beginning, they are the best. Now let's develop your skills from awareness, right? Okay, so it's really just putting things in perspective that is the honest to God's truth, that we are this divine spark. Work from it, use it, because that's where we can expand. Uh, enough is an infinite term, much like awareness, much like God, much like uh intuition. These are all infinite words, much like joy, peace, love, gratitude, grace.

10:16 SPEAKER_00: Okay, these are infinite. We're working in the game of ten, it's all about working from the infinite and expanding our limited uh um mindset to more expansive mindset of the universal quantity of enough.

10:36 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. So I think that where this gets really interesting um is because I don't believe I'm enough internally. It doesn't just affect how I see myself, it starts affecting how I show up with other other people. So, Mr. Steve, how does the concept of I am enough impact leadership, effectiveness, and relationships?

11:05 SPEAKER_00: Well, at the we show up at the level of our awareness. So it behooves us to show up as 10 and see everyone as 10, doing the best they can with the awareness they have. You know, awareness can be expanded. So we operate like radio stations. If I'm up if I'm at 10 and I'm I'm talking to someone who's at a three, I've got to maintain my 10 without being better than. I don't, you can't be whatever if I think that they're just dumb, okay? I'm gonna lower my awareness to that dumb level and operate from that dumb, and there's there's gonna be conflict, okay?

11:50 SPEAKER_00: Because that they're much better at that level than I am, playing that game. And I call that the game oftentimes. And so it's really about being using conscious awareness to communicate with others, and so I see everyone as 10, okay, doing the best that they can. Have they developed their skill skills like communications? Probably not, okay. Right. They're three, then but they probably have very poor communication skills. Um I do know that in every people, everyone I've talked to about it, people who are at level three get 30% of what they ask for.

12:29 SPEAKER_00: People at five get 50%. Yeah. People at nine, high achievers, they get to nine. You can get to nine by positive thinking. You can't get to ten by thinking at all. Oh wow. So is think uh awareness is the space of enough without thought in the present moment. That's where you download ideas, intention uh intuition, and intentionality, and base because you're in a you're in a space, a space of passion. Yeah. That that bubble of awareness can expand, and then you're in the you're in pure, unconditioned love.

13:14 SPEAKER_03: Right.

13:14 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

13:15 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. So, what does insecurity look like when it shows up in a leader?

13:22 SPEAKER_00: Oh, a horrible to the people they're leading. You've experienced it in the military, I'm sure. Yes, I have. You know, my definition of a great leader is someone who creates great leaders.

13:34 SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

13:34 SPEAKER_00: Yeah. And the ones who want to usurp power, control, and all the stuff that goes, the icky stuff around that, are horrible leaders. And they will the the ones they are leading will either consciously or subconsciously sabotage that leader.

13:53 SPEAKER_03: Wow. So do you think insecurity creates control?

13:58 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that is uh the ego is very insecure. That's our the identity that we created ourselves. Eckhart Tolle calls it the mind-made self. It's a tool to identify us from other beings. All right, you don't walk into the uh bank and say, I'd like to take a deposit out. May I have your name? Uh, yeah, I'm a divine being. Right. Like everyone. So we need a little more information than that before we call 911 to get you taken off in a paddy wagon.

14:32 SPEAKER_03: So right. So does insecurity make us more defensive, do you think?

14:38 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that is, you know, people say, how do I know when I'm playing the game often played? Versus the game of 10. Well, listen to the listen to your actions. Watch your body, watch your mind, watch you become deserved. Am I defending? So yes, you become very defensive because we believe we are a thought. Okay, so one first we have an idea, it turns into a thought, then it becomes a belief, and those beliefs are hard to um let go of. They're they're they're beliefs are a thought form. So people say to me when I when I was calling them, what will I receive by coaching?

15:18 SPEAKER_00: I said, I'm gonna teach you how not to think. Oh my god, what's gonna happen if I don't think? I said, Would you would you rather know? Oh yeah, I'd rather know. Okay, kind of and would you rather believe or would you rather know? Oh, I'd rather know. Okay, so any so at without thinking, you're gonna know intuitively, intentionally, and work using your thoughts, the things you have learned, if they apply, think of them like I think of it like a tool shed, okay, that we have in our in our mind. So coming from that space of enough and pure consciousness and awareness, connected to all consciousnesses.

16:00 SPEAKER_00: I don't know if consciousness is a word, conscious I, whatever it is. So um, so we're connected. I'd rather be connected to the uh consciousness, like it's like the internet of all things, but it's natural intelligence. So that clears, but you can't get that with lots of thoughts in our mind. Because the Cleveland Clinic years ago did a study on thoughts, and they came up with the average person has 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% of those thoughts are from the past, and 80% of those thoughts are also uh negative.

16:37 SPEAKER_00: Wow. Yeah. So if people are, it's no wonder people uh get anxious, get depressed, get bogged down, and then there's still in, there's still in awareness. We cannot not be connected, we're always connected. But if we if we have to filter our intuition and our ideas through 60,000 thoughts, or let's just be conservative, 30,000 in your head at a present moment, you know, what is it, you know, no wonder there's self-doubt. Did I pick the right, did I pick the right thought? You know, right?

17:13 unknown: Yeah.

17:14 SPEAKER_03: Oh wow. So what changes when a leader no longer needs to prove themselves?

17:23 SPEAKER_00: Then people will follow them.

17:27 SPEAKER_03: I think, I think too, you know, when when you're able to have those skills, and I think they're they're acquired skills um at a leadership level, um it you bring a different type of energy. There, there's a different type of vibe. Um, and you know, the people kind of gravitate towards that. And so when you no longer have to prove, you know, in the military, we we always used to say, if if you have to tell your soldiers that you're the one in charge, you're not in charge. Um and so, you know, and I think a lot of it kind of resonates also in the civilian sector.

18:05 SPEAKER_03: If you have to bark all the time that you're, you know, the the one that is in charge, then we might need to have a conversation. Um, because it should really go unsaid, right? With you walking into a room, your presence should really kind of set the tone, and then everybody should understand what their roles and and things are. And I think, you know, uh when you get to a point where you've your resume kind of speaks for itself, there's really not a lot that you really need to say. Um, because again, it goes off of I me personally, I feel like it goes off of that energy, that vibe, that frequency in whatever environment and space you're in.

18:42 SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna go ahead and transition us into another question. So if operating from not enough can influence how we lead and relate to people, I'm curious about when what happens internally before anybody else even sees it. So, Mr. Steve, why do so many high-achieving people struggle with feeling like they're never doing enough, even when they're objectively successful?

19:11 SPEAKER_00: Well, I think they, I know. They they confuse their being with their being happy. Okay. Show me a great leader, I'll show you a happy person. And we'll make time for you. We'll they will uh guide you, or they'll set you up with the right uh tools or people to show to guide your success. Those and these people, and it's confidence, it's internal confidence. And then when you take care of the inside, the outside takes care of itself. But so often we're outside focused, people seeking approval. You know, some in the military, probably some high up uh trying to please uh higher ups and trying to climb that ladder, looking for approval.

19:57 SPEAKER_00: And it's it's kind of gross, you know, in that they're coming from a place of lack, which is not enough. And when people come, they need or they want recognition, like you said, about you know, telling them that I'm the boss and I'm the best, and they need that approval because they don't have it in themselves. So it's it's really taking the going from the external to having that confidence with faith. Confidence in Latin or Greek, I don't know which one it is, but it means with faith. And faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in God, faith in just faith.

20:33 SPEAKER_00: It is, is that enough? And that's that another faith is another expansive word, so infinite word.

20:40 unknown: Yeah.

20:40 SPEAKER_03: Ah, do you think, and I'm I'm kind of exploring this this subject here with you, with these high achieving, it maybe have something to do with a childhood conditioning or um that their environment, social media.

20:56 SPEAKER_00: Well, the first seven years of this has been uh the Jesuits uh give me a child that's zero to seven, I'll give you the man. That is our inner child. And so Bruce Lipton, he's uh uh neuropsychologist, and he talks about the same thing from the first seven years of our life. It's not a set number, it could be nine, it could be ten. It's we're in theta, so we absorbed everything that we have been exposed to. Our parents, that's where generational trauma gets set into us because we're we pick up every nuance and every feeling and every emotion.

21:36 SPEAKER_00: And if it isn't love, then it's fear and it's self-doubt, guilt, or shame. And then we carry that into adulthood until we have the awareness to recognize it because it's gonna show up all the time in other people. So whatever we don't uh learn from, we're gonna repeat. So it's the and it's always there if you don't let it go. And we don't even know what happened when we were one year old, two years old.

22:04 SPEAKER_01: Right.

22:04 SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have a two-year-old, two and a half-year-old memory. Uh my brother and I were uh playing uh jumping up and down on my mother and father's bed in my uh having a my brother took a pillow and boom, I went underneath my mother's beer and broke my femur. So I my first memories are breaking my leg and being in the hospital for six weeks. Oh wow. Yeah, so that was a traumatic experience.

22:31 SPEAKER_03: Right, right, right. So, how can someone tell the difference between healthy ambition and trying to prove their worth?

22:42 SPEAKER_00: Well, are they looking for recognition from other people first? If you do it because you're passionate about it and and setting audacious goals and doing being and having uh the the The values and purpose and mis uh and uh morals that are not sabotaging yourself or other people, then that's healthy. You know, it's really being your authentic self. It's really, I think that you hear that term a lot. Your authentic self is is not caring what people think about you and doing your best and respecting yourself, respecting others, and having really healthy boundaries.

23:27 SPEAKER_00: I I love everybody. I do, I've I can't think of any person in my life. I'm 70 years old, I'll go to my death. Someone said, if there's nobody I have to forgive. Zero. Done it. Okay. Sometimes something comes up, and I think, oh, I thought I'd, you know, I call it flossing. Um if anything, I'm flossed. Something's been stuck in that for years. I said, I didn't know where that came from, but so I use my game of 10 tools and I'm gonna get rid of that. Thank you. So yeah, yeah, cleaning house is good.

24:00 SPEAKER_00: And it and it's really a lot of people who have an awakening or um a breakthrough or break down, they come through a different born again. Um they what they don't realize they have spiritual boundaries too, you know, much like physical boundaries. Yeah, and the boundaries are yes, no, stay, and go. And there are people who deserve to be in your life and people who don't. And I love them go, I love them no, or I love you stay, and I love you, yes.

24:30 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. So, what does that never enough mindset cost us?

24:42 SPEAKER_00: Everything you want. Never enough. That's we I get that song in my head from uh the greatest showman on earth. That was a big song. We hear this stuff all the time. So beautiful, isn't that a beautiful song? Never enough. Yeah, it is and we buy into it. Yes, and that is the game often played. That's why it calls often played, because our the majority of people haven't figured it out. We have to for people don't even don't know how to forgive because we think we have to forgive a person, place, or situation that happened to us, that did something to us, happened to us.

25:22 SPEAKER_00: Uh uh, and we bec they the fact is we have to forgive the thought about what happened and the story we created around it and the emotions that we attach to it, the feelings we had attached to it. And that's so we have to forgive the thoughts and feelings and emotions. And then someone asked me once, a client asked me once, will I remember it? I said, Yeah, you'll see it, there'll be just a healthy, detached from it. Yeah, and you have a deep appreciation that you learned from it.

25:59 SPEAKER_03: Right, right. Yes, one 1000%. So I think one of the biggest costs in mental bandwidth, um, and I do, I think it is one of one of them, that that never enough, not feeling enough. Because when you're constantly questioning yourself, you're spending energy thinking instead of actually moving. So, Mr. Steve, how can someone move from overthinking and stress into clarity and confident action?

26:33 SPEAKER_00: All right, do you want to do the game of 10, six phrases with me?

26:36 SPEAKER_03: Let's do it.

26:37 SPEAKER_00: All right. Uh 10. Declaring that you're 10, you're saying I am the highest level of the awareness that I have. Okay. So we're all right. So repeat after me. I am 10. I'm 10. I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.

26:53 SPEAKER_03: I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.

26:56 SPEAKER_00: I'm always right with the awareness that I have.

26:59 SPEAKER_03: I'm always right with the awareness that I have.

27:01 SPEAKER_00: I am enough.

27:02 SPEAKER_03: I am enough.

27:03 SPEAKER_00: I do enough.

27:04 SPEAKER_03: I do enough.

27:05 SPEAKER_00: I have enough.

27:06 SPEAKER_03: I have enough.

27:10 SPEAKER_00: Your thoughts have stopped.

27:13 SPEAKER_01: Yes.

27:15 SPEAKER_00: So it's a reset of your mindset. We are so addicted to thinking that it takes practice. So we're we're going to uncondition the mind, and we're going to uncondition our thoughts, we're going to uncondition our feelings, we're going to uncondition our emotions. We'll have them, but they will be healthy. They'll be based around uh awareness, and in that awareness is love, acceptance, grace, gratitude, joy, peace, love, uh, abundance, um, intuition, um, intentionality, grace. Uh, the first phrase is a declaration of who we all are.

27:54 SPEAKER_00: The next two phrases, I'm doing the best I can with the words I have, I'm always right with the words I have. This goes for everybody, okay? It's a my reset of your mindset. So the so our ego doesn't start chat stops chattering. It answers all its questions. Those two phrases that I just said declare that our we're innocent. And and declares that the other person's innocent too, versus traditionally guilty until you prove me otherwise. Right, right. Yeah, you said that you're guilty until proven otherwise.

28:27 SPEAKER_00: So and so the next three phrases: I am enough, I do enough, I have enough, put us in present moment awareness. We've always, every second of every day of every minute of our life, we've been being and doing and having something. Yeah, it might as well be enough.

28:42 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, might as well.

28:44 SPEAKER_00: Might as well.

28:46 SPEAKER_03: So, Mr. Steve, how do we know when we're actually thinking through a problem versus thinking to avoid making a decision?

28:56 SPEAKER_00: Well, ask yourself uh Am I afraid of failing? Am I afraid? So it's the four elements of the game I've been played are fear one through nine, self-doubt one through nine, guilt one through nine, and shame. Guilt, I did something bad, you did something bad, shame, I am bad, you are bad, they are bad. So really do an analysis, just ask yourself Am I in thinking through this problem, where am I coming from? Is it fear? Don't don't do it. If it's self-doubt, don't do it. If it's shame, guilt, and don't do it.

29:33 SPEAKER_00: So really, where can I love this challenge? Okay, yeah, okay, thinking through a problem, how about thinking through a solution?

29:41 SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

29:42 SPEAKER_00: You know, really just shift your framing of your mind. A lot of this in this personal development in the game of hands about reframing. How can we look at how can I see this differently? It's, you know, how can this problem become an opportunity for growth, for better communication, for better, uh for for greater awareness. It's all about expanding our awareness, you know, so that you can ask. You know, people ask so much from such small awareness. There's no space for it. So it's about creating this.

30:15 SPEAKER_00: So when you if people who are want more, they don't have enough, they're cooperating from a small space of awareness. There's no room for what they're asking for to come in. So you really have to expand it, expand it, and know, and be, we attract who we are. That's just it. So expand, so know that we are so powerful and so expansive and so uh grateful and great with grace, gratitude, peace, love, and joy all the time for whatever we have. And I have so much, I have so much room. Okay.

30:56 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love it. Yeah, so what is the first thing, Mr. Steve, you would tell someone to do when their brain is overwhelmed and they don't know what to do next.

31:07 SPEAKER_00: Uh, do those phrases.

31:09 SPEAKER_03: Do those phrases.

31:10 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's really simple.

31:11 SPEAKER_03: Get into the game of 10.

31:12 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, there's other ways. I mean, I'm I have ADHD and I can't sit down with my with my legs crossed for an hour. I never was able to. I'd been thinking, you know, you have to keep not wear a watch, not have my because I'd be looking at the time, you know, the clock.

31:29 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

31:29 SPEAKER_00: And actually in my second grade, the teacher called me the clock watcher. Oh, wow. I was so bored. I was yeah. So yeah, that's the first thing I do. And the next thing I do, because when you do say these phrases, you open up your awareness. And what also comes up are the lions and tigers and bears of your past and this disappointment. So we're all the premise of the game of ten is we're all appointed ten. And then through life, whether we knew it consciously or subconscious, conscious or subconsciously, um, we we become disappointed, and deep disappointments are traumas, abuses that have been consistent and stay into our psyche.

32:14 SPEAKER_00: And we and our ego or identity becomes protective. That's sort of I'm afraid to, I'm afraid to, you know, the only thing we can be afraid of is loving someone. And usually is that the person that hurt us is the one we loved. Okay. So it really gets deep. So it's so I I learned uh luckily during COVID, I took miracle-minded coaching with Marian Williamson. I studied at the Gestalt Institute, International Studies Center. But I've been following, uh, been a student of a course in miracles for over 34 years.

32:46 SPEAKER_00: And she and she was um my one of my coaches in writing the book that we my son and I wrote. So she does incubator church and she taught a uh a way to let go that I'd like to share with the audience because it does come up, but a lot of people suppress it because they don't know what to do with it.

33:06 SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

33:06 SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Because there's no tool, most people don't have the tools. Correct. So she said, you know, in your mind, everyone has a above their ears two temples, okay? So uh she states that uh we're an idea in the mind of God, God's an idea in the mind of us. This is sacred work letting go in forgiveness. That's why they attempt to do it in churches, okay? And but they don't explain it the way that she explains it. And you can't let go at the level of the pain you feel when you think about it. So you really have to so we give it to our highest self.

33:44 SPEAKER_00: And so she does she taught this create a temple in your mind. You're gonna have the J temple, and it's gotta be sacred, it's got to be divine, a divine temple. I asked her Marianne once uh when we were teaching us this. She said, Can it if I have a carpenter, can it be a carpenter's bench? And she quickly said, She'd be a great drawer slotching, honestly. She goes, No.

34:10 SPEAKER_00: I said, I don't know. Right. Yeah, do 50 push-ups. I love it. I know. So um she goes, no, it has to be this is sacred work. So create a temple, uh, and in that temple, create an altar. So if something comes up, you have to uh observe it, allow it, feel it, give it five minutes, give it 10 minutes, you know, and when you're ready to let it go, bring it to your altar. I was a florist for 30 years, so I have a bouquet, okay? Yeah, I tell my clients, you know, typically they have to bring a dump truck load up.

34:51 SPEAKER_00: But typically, you know, at the the more you do it, the fewer times you gotta let go of anything. So I just bring a bouquet of thoughts up there about and lay them on the altar and say, I'm willing to see this differently. You know, this is an ongoing process. I get people in my life going, oh my god, are disrespecting me and just really doing stuff unconsciously?

35:13 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

35:13 SPEAKER_00: Do they have any idea what they're doing? And they're I just go, they're going on all the thoughts about them are going on the altar now.

35:21 SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:25 SPEAKER_00: So it's a process, it's it's ongoing. So and it works. People tell me uh they just tell me all the time because there's they they usually say, Steve, I thought you were crazy when I first started working with you. Now I know you're not. Okay. So I said, good.

35:43 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love it. Yeah, for me, I I implemented calmness. Um, so when I'm feeling overwhelmed, um, just trying to figure out the the next thing, it's to calm, to calm my mind, to calm my my inner being, um, and then to to clarify. So when I get really specific. Um, and then, you know, whatever, whatever it is, um, then it's my commitment. So then I, you know, I kind of gave myself on kind of a like a scale. Um, and then, you know, there was I did something similar when I was in the military, didn't even realize it was a thing.

36:17 SPEAKER_03: And now um that I'm on this side of the house, it's so much more clear. So I I want to ask you, Mr. Steve, would you agree that clarity doesn't always come before action? Sometimes action creates clarity.

36:32 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, the action of using your mind to let go. So it's a it's a mind action. It's an it's a you're doing it. These thoughts that we suppress and that come up that I mean, I have people saying I when I think of that person, that rage comes up like a volcano. Yeah. That is deep suppression that takes a lot of energy and it actually causes dis-ease in the mind and the body. So I mean, there's definitely mind-body connection. I I work with people who connect their thoughts with their feelings to shut that alarm off.

37:17 SPEAKER_00: And then we do the practice of letting it go when you're ready. You know, and for anything when you're ready. When you're ready to let it go, it's like it's hell, it's like saying to somebody, haven't you grieved enough? If you want to see somebody get go off on you internally, or to their friends about you if they don't have the uh wherewithal to tell you that I wouldn't say it to, you know, when you're ready. I mean, it's in the in everyone's time. When people are ready to let go, I give them the tools to do it.

37:48 SPEAKER_00: When they're coaching me, it that's a different story. They pay me to to guide them. Right, right. Ask questions, why what benefits of holding on to this? What is what's the benefit of this?

38:02 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

38:02 SPEAKER_00: And the benefits are just gross. They get attention. Right, right. They get they they whine and they've got rewarded for being a victim. They get rewarded for being uh sarcastic, they get rewarded for funny because they talk how degrading, you know, the defamate, what's it called? Defamate uh, you know, uh, what's that called when you degrade yourself and think it's funny? Yeah. So stupid. You know, I'm you know, I'm the worst this and I'm the worst that. Oh, that you're so funny. Not only gross.

38:39 SPEAKER_03: Yeah. And I think too, it comes also from a level of maturity as well. Um, you know, I can speak for myself. My younger self would never have the thought process that I have now. Um and that came from obviously growth, different environments, um, being taught different things, being around different individuals. Um, you know, and I continue, I continue to want a better. And so I have to put myself in those environments to want a better. And like you said, you have to be ready. You have to be ready to let go of somewhat of those anchors to then be able to kind of float, right?

39:21 SPEAKER_03: And so I want to shift from awareness, um, which is very important and really the key of honestly this entire episode together, which is why I'm I'm just so grateful and thankful to have you on and record this with me because it's so important. And I think everyone around the world can connect at some level with this episode. And I want to shift into performance. Um, I love giving practical tools. I love people being able to kind of walk away and implement. And I know you have something really special.

39:55 SPEAKER_03: You've kind of touched on it a couple pieces here throughout as we've been talking, but what are practical steps um that someone can take today to increase their level of awareness and operate at that level of 10?

40:10 SPEAKER_00: Well, it's those two mind actions. Those mantras quiet the mind. Uh it will well up things that you're ready if you're to let them go. So you have the tools now to go to create your altar, be willing to see things differently, put them on the altars. That's every thought we have is a prayer. So we want to get those negative prayers because it lowers our awareness, it creates unfortunate incidences in our lives, and people in our lives, in places and situations that happen. Why does this keep happening to me?

40:47 SPEAKER_00: They'll say, Because you haven't let go of the what was the root cause of it. And so those two things is what I do, and they work, they've worked for so I've so many people I've helped with it. And you I they don't and I tell your audience, don't believe me, try it, okay? And try it consistently. You know, when you go to a gym and you never worked out before, and you've come in with this picture, I want to look like that. Yeah, can I do it in a week? And the trainer will say, uh, no. Right. But we'll start with uh your nutrition and exercise and weight training, and and we'll get close to that, or maybe surpass that.

41:34 SPEAKER_00: Who knows? You know, it's like how hard do you want to, you know, how badly do you want to have inner peace? How badly do you want to be have a clear mind? How badly do you want to, or how goodly is it? How much do you what's your passion? What drives you? If passion drives you, you'll get it. If fear, self-doubt, guilt, and shame, you will fail every time.

41:55 SPEAKER_03: And that's so, so true. Mr. Steve, how do you how do you um get some of your clients um to handle some of the setbacks?

42:06 SPEAKER_00: Well, first thing day that I talked to them, I said, here's the deal: playing the game of 10, you can no longer beat yourself up. Period. Go back to you gotta go back to square one. I love that. Those push-ups. Oh, I have push-ups. I don't I ask my people to do 30 times a day. Yeah. But I've learned that I start about with five and no more than 30. And those are the push-ups. So first thing, well, people we get conditioned. We were punished for making a mistake when we were young. So now the people, the punishers aren't there anymore.

42:46 SPEAKER_00: So who has to take over the role? We do, right? Right. I don't. I love making mistakes because I know I'm growing, I know I'm learning. Yes. If you want to make mistakes, okay. If you aren't making mistakes, you are stagnant. Yeah. And probably stuck. So any everyone out there, make mistakes. Own them, be appreciated, you know, learn from them. Because if you don't learn from them, you repeat them. Yeah. Yeah.

43:15 SPEAKER_03: And that's one thing I I have learned is mistakes are good. And let me hurry up and get to them so that way I can, like you said, learn from them, learn what not to do. Because there's always lessons. And again, you know, there's no such thing as failure. I I say it all the time. I I I'll dine on the hill on it. There's there's no such thing. There's always feedback. Um, and so I I want the listeners to um to ask yourself, friends, where am I operating from fear? Where am I seeking validation? What decision am I avoiding?

43:53 SPEAKER_03: And what would I do differently if I genuinely believed that I was enough? Now, Mr. Steve, why is operating from enough actually a competitive advantage?

44:11 SPEAKER_00: Because you quiet your mind so you see opportunity. People who are having the cluttered mind filled with 80% negative thoughts, 20% positive, I like to say 100% insane. So there's the advantage. You're gonna be coming from clarity, sanity, joy, peace, love, gratitude, opportunity, infinite opportunities. In the game of often played, there's fear, such as guilt, and shame one through nine. So most people stay in that because there's nine times nine times nine times nine is six thousand five hundred and sixty one options.

44:52 SPEAKER_00: Right. Limited. At nine, you've got you're doing pretty well. 10% to yourself, but uh if you're a typical person I start with is six, seven, so they're only uh operating sixty percent awareness, so there's a lot of room for it's no wonder they have doubt, no wonder they have uh uh second guess themselves because they're they've got a lot of chatter going in their mind. Right is not useful. That's old data they can't let go of. Yeah, yeah.

45:24 SPEAKER_03: I know I like to think of it, I I would tell myself, I'm I'm operating on old software, you know. I'm I'm running on like Windows 98, and we're on like Windows, I don't even know, 3000. I don't even know what we're on now. But um, Mr. Steve, how does it make a better leader?

45:44 SPEAKER_00: Well, clarity is the outcome. Inner peace, clarity for those addicted to drama, it makes no sense. You know, that sounds boring. No, it's actually very exciting because you become very creative. And create and that creative mind is very beautiful, you know, with creativity. So it makes you a better leader because you see things that other people don't.

46:12 SPEAKER_03: So, from a business perspective, being and operating from enough and having it as a competitive advantage, how does it change the way you make decisions?

46:24 SPEAKER_00: Well, you're not comparing yourself to the competition, you are aware of the competitions, what they're doing. But in what I do and when I was in the flowers, I I was aware of what the competitors were doing. I didn't care. Okay. Uh, and I had I built I made my pie bigger. I didn't want to get a piece of the pie. I just made my own pie and I made it bigger and bigger and bigger. And yeah, so I think so. I know that and that's all part of being your authentic self is when you don't idolyze someone else, and you don't think someone else is better than you or less than you.

47:05 SPEAKER_00: You are just you, but when we compare ourselves as some or to others and think we're better than or less than, then we're not being our authentic self.

47:16 SPEAKER_03: And I want to get a little more into the personal part of this in relationships. How does it change what you tolerate and what you expect?

47:30 SPEAKER_00: I got really strong boundaries. You're just like, I don't there's something I just don't tolerate. Yeah, and and the person who's doing it will never even know.

47:43 SPEAKER_03: Right, right.

47:44 SPEAKER_00: You know, but they're blocked.

47:46 SPEAKER_03: Okay.

47:47 SPEAKER_00: And never mind my phone. The first thing they're gonna do is Yeah. You know, and it's like, wow, you know, and it's just like that's a that's a hard no, right, for now. I never say, you know, if someone oh, I I will never see talk to them again. No, for now. For now, for now, yes. If someone really did something horrible and intentionally, can we be friends? I say no. I don't have friends like that. My friends don't do that, right? Is this gonna be how long was it? I don't know, but you can check back with me in a year, right?

48:26 SPEAKER_00: Right. You can do a phone call, maybe you've gotten some help, coaching or therapy. Yes, there's something going on.

48:33 SPEAKER_03: And I do, I I agree. I think when you operate from that space of knowing that you are enough, you do have enough, um, that awareness, it does, it really does give you that competitive advantage because, like you said, it creates that clarity, and you're able to really then see. So when it does come to relationships, whether it's friendships or intimate, you are able to apply those boundaries and people respect them, you know, and and it's one of those where they know, hey, I'm not gonna cross that line with Mr. Steve because I know where he stands and I know what his thought process is, it's very clear.

49:11 SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, when when we have conversations, which is why, again, having this episode with you, I find it to be, it's gonna be so eye-opening for so many people because again, we're not aware. And these are things that we have to do personally, internally, to then, like you said, you know, you will then gravitate to those people. Those people will naturally come to you because again, it's the frequency, the energy.

49:38 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

49:39 SPEAKER_03: Um, and Mr. Steve, when it comes to personal growth, um, how do you continue growing without constantly rejecting who you are right now?

49:53 SPEAKER_00: Well, the way I look at things, everyone is you can't get love, you are love, and love is expansive. So it's you can expand it and you can grow it, and you can, you know, the people who don't love themselves, they hate me.

50:11 SPEAKER_03: Right.

50:12 SPEAKER_00: I can see that you're they'll come up to me and say, You're crazy. Okay, yeah, and I'll say, like a fox, laugh and laugh as I lead them. Okay, yeah, I don't defend, I don't explain, I don't care. They can think I'm crazy because I know who I am, I know who they are, and I know they are holding themselves back for some reason. Okay, yeah. So it's really I had to come up with a word because I love words and and I love marketing, I love branding. And so, yeah, and so um I asked chat groc, I asked my associates, I have two cats and and chat groc and g TP and uh uh the other one.

50:58 SPEAKER_00: And uh I asked them all, what come up with one word that can expl express when you really, really, really care and you really really really don't give a F. Okay? And so all three of them came up with it with Chat, GTP, Grok, and oh I can't think of it. The other so anyway, um came up with compassionate detachment. Yeah. And you have to realize people who do therapy and do counseling, transference is a thing. And if you don't have a strong boundary, then you take on that energy. It can be depression, anxiety.

51:46 SPEAKER_00: Yeah. I mean a lot of people who don't have that psychic boundary, then they take it on. It is a thing, and so compassionate detachment. So I I came up with a word called um ten care t-e-n-c-a-r-e, and put an accented goo at the end called tenkare. Oh wow, yeah. So I just had one word, so I'll probably uh it's in it's under the game of ten so copyrighted, but it's just tenkare, you know. Um Mel Robbins has her let them. I think you know, oh I love it. Yeah, Tinkare. You know, now my friends when we think, oh, sorry, I ran into so-and-so the other day and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

52:31 SPEAKER_00: They'll go Tinkare, you know. Yeah, let it go.

52:35 SPEAKER_03: Yes, let it go.

52:37 SPEAKER_00: That's them, and I'm not gonna accept, I'm not gonna let it in me to oh yay.

52:45 SPEAKER_03: All right, Mr. Steve. Is there a difference between wanting more and believing you need more to finally be enough?

52:56 SPEAKER_00: Well, both of those questions come from a place of black. So when you come from a like place of black, you have to get not enough. Yeah. Whatever it is, it says the universe, God, so so it's whatever. Um, I need this. Okay, we'll we'll keep you in the needing mode. Okay. So if you think of everything you say as a prayer, and everything is you have to come from the place I am it. And whatever we attract what we are. We are attract, we are the prize, we are the carrot, we are doing the best we can with the awareness we have.

53:37 SPEAKER_00: We are always right with the awareness. Can awareness expand? Absolutely. Can we be flexible to say I was wrong? Based on the awareness that I had, this is what I why I did this. Now my awareness has changed, and now I'm going to do this. So those mistakes was just basically because due to lack of awareness or skill or developed skill of the awareness to to know how to create that skill better. So it's yeah, it's you gotta really watch out for the should, would, could. Those come from guilt, shame, and then the need, want.

54:13 SPEAKER_00: Um, those are the lack that keep you in lack. So and what's some other entitled? I deserve. I deserve better. I deserve that's entitlement. Yeah, not the universe goes. I don't need judges, it just it just responds.

54:32 SPEAKER_03: Right. Oh, I think that has to have been probably one of the strongest moments in this episode. Everything you just said, and I really hope the listeners listening all over the world, we hit rewind to what you just said and re-listen to that again because that was actually very powerful. So thank you for that, Mr. Steve. Um, we're gonna pull from conversation and I want to pull into theory. So are you ready?

54:58 SPEAKER_00: I'm born ready.

54:59 SPEAKER_03: All right. Mr. Steve, was there ever a moment in your life where you realized you were spending too much energy trying to prove yourself?

55:12 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when I was 36 years old, um I took over the family flower business at 22. So 36, 14 years into it, um, my former wife, first wife was um huge business. Uh she worked for LL Bean and she became vice president. And everyone in the C-suite, not everyone, LL Bean, just some of the people there were going to therapy. And 34 years ago, you didn't tell anyone you're going to therapy. Oh, yeah. No, it was just kind of taboo. You had to be crazy to go. Well, yeah, but guess what? I was. Okay. My standards today.

55:48 SPEAKER_00: And the therapist goes, Great guy, look kind of like a Mr. Rogers type guy. He's probably my age when I went there. And uh he goes, Why are you here? I said, I have everything in the world that I want. I'm not happy. And I did use the F-word. I said, That's F'd up. Okay. And it is. And so he laughed. He goes, I said, What can I expect? And what how long will it take? He says, Usually I tell people three months, you're halfway there.

56:18 SPEAKER_01: Wow.

56:19 SPEAKER_00: Because I knew something was wrong. Didn't know what. But and then he said, What you'll get is mental health. And those two words meant zero to me. I had no idea, you know, what mental health was, other than people were either crazy. Right. That's meant, you know, but uh yeah, so like it and then ho it in that month and a half, it was the most revelations I've ever had, and it's still out-of-body experience, uh, naturally spiritual awakening, um, mental clarity. It was beyond my family. Thought I did go crazy when I finally went sane.

57:07 SPEAKER_00: Okay, but at that high level of awareness that I had to assimilate my normal life into it. And that took time. It took me about a good year to just be quiet, don't tell anybody, then I understand. And uh so I think that's called discernment and knowing who to talk to, knowing who not to. So now I say it. So for those out there who've ever had these, uh, it's really find your people, they're out there, and yeah, and do it from a place of awareness and know that it's a natural thing that some experience and some don't.

57:48 SPEAKER_00: And those who haven't experienced it, that's fine too. You're you're perfect as you are.

57:53 SPEAKER_03: So oh, I love that. Mr. Steve, what do you know now that you wish you knew 10 years ago?

58:02 SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've I've gone down all the rabbit holes on TikTok. On TikTok. So I wish I know that 10 years ago. I'm kind of glad I didn't, okay, because I'd probably take it away. Okay. Now there's so many people going, oh yeah. Did you hear this one? Oh, yeah. So I love um truth. And I love finding out that we have not been told the truth.

58:32 SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah. And you know, I think diving into my podcast and episodes that I write, research, you know, talking to experts and and you know, all the amazing minds that are in our world, I have to say it's the same thing, the truth. And there's so many things that we're not told. And so the whole purpose of my podcast is to reveal all of the things that we have not been told. And so, again, having you on today is just so special because it proves that, you know, and and it and it goes again to tell people the things that we've heard maybe have heard, but no one really speaks about, you know, we it's just kind of out there.

59:14 SPEAKER_03: And so, Mr. Steve, um, what does operating from enough look like in your life today?

59:23 SPEAKER_00: I'm always happy. I've been happy since I had that experience 34 years ago. It's non-negotiable. Okay. So it's when someone says, Oh, I gotta tell you something, you're not gonna be happy. I said, just tell me, I'm fine. I'll be happy knowing, I'll be happy not knowing. So, yeah. So I've learned that my happy, my health, my abundant mindset, uh, my health, mental health, physical is is perfect as it is, and that's enough for now. So nothing can change that except my mind and letting in fear, self-doubt, guilt, and shame.

1:00:00 SPEAKER_00: That can change it. That's the only thing that can change it. And I'm grateful that I have the tools that I can share with others to help them let it go.

1:00:09 SPEAKER_03: Wow. I have a final question. We're gonna get ready to wrap wrap this up. But if someone listening right now has spent their entire life trying to prove they're worthy, valuable, successful, or enough, what would you say to them, Mr. Steve? Stop it.

1:00:32 SPEAKER_00: I am so direct sometimes that you know it's hard. I know that if we've been conditioned for it and believe it, those are hard. So, what I'm gonna say to people who have that feeling, I know how difficult it is, and stop it. Okay, yeah, how do you stop biting your fingernails? Stop it. Okay, uh, it's like every addict, you know, Echo Tolley said the biggest addiction we have in this world is overthinking. So once you really understand that you are not your thoughts, you have them. And those thoughts that you have that are less than not enough, they're not you.

1:01:15 SPEAKER_00: They were told to you, and you believed it at an age that you had no responsibility. It was not your fault. One of the biggest lines in Goodwill hunting, I balled. When when Robin Williams said to um Matt Damon, it was not it's not your fault.

1:01:34 unknown: Yeah.

1:01:34 SPEAKER_00: I was just like, whoa. Just like, it isn't, you know, we were doing the best we were able to with the awareness we had.

1:01:42 unknown: Yeah.

1:01:42 SPEAKER_00: We didn't know, and we trusted some people who weren't trustworthy. And it's that's not your fault. As an adult, take responsibility, okay? If it keeps happening, stop it.

1:01:57 SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, I I completely, completely agree. So as we get ready to close the episode, um, I want you to sit with one question after this conversation, friends. If I stop trying to prove that I'm enough, how would I operate differently tomorrow? Because being enough doesn't mean you stop growing, it means you stop using growth as evidence that you're worthy. You don't have to become somebody else to deserve the life that you're building. You can grow from enough, you can lead from enough, you can love from enough, and you can build from enough.

1:02:45 SPEAKER_03: Mr. Steve, I am so, so grateful for you. You did mention the Big Ten. Is there a website or uh a social media that our friends can get on and find you, reach out to you if they have more questions, or just want to dive into a little bit more coming off of this episode?

1:03:07 SPEAKER_00: Absolutely. And I just want to thank you too. You are great. Love your love your energy, love your strength and uh thank you vulnerability and courage to do share with your audience uh uh about being having the strength to be yourself and come from a place of authenticity. So if people can reach me at www.stevebarton coaching, s-t-e-v-e, b-ar-r-t-o-n coaching.com. Download my the book my son and I wrote. Um, Marianne Williamson was one of my coaches, so that's you know, had some I was around some good people.

1:03:44 SPEAKER_00: And um and it's um called The Father, the Son, the Aha Moment. Tools for helping you or your child develop a path to happiness. Great parents, when you heal your inner child, guess what? You're gonna be a great parent. Okay, you won't be beyond the generational trauma that happens. And if you don't have children, read the book for your inner child. Tell it read the book at story time at night, just before you go to bed. Yeah, and so yeah, it's healing your inner child and in aligning it. It's always gonna be part of us, but every age stays with us.

1:04:20 SPEAKER_00: You know, we it's part of our life, it's a continuum, it's infinite. And someday we leave our body, but we have an infinite soul that goes on.

1:04:30 SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I love it. I'll go ahead and put those websites also in the show notes, um, and it'll show up in the script um as well for for those that would love to reach out, maybe you know, um ask some more questions or just want to connect with you. And again, Mr. Steve, I am so grateful to have you on today and share all of this wisdom and your knowledge and just your expertise, um, years and years of you know, training and coaching and um, you know, living and all the things. That's how we're able to come from a place of authenticity and be able to speak on it.

1:05:09 SPEAKER_03: So it has been such a pleasure having you on the episode. And I think I think we need to have another round. I think there's so much more to unpack.

1:05:18 SPEAKER_00: Oh man. We didn't get to do push-ups and rips.

1:05:22 SPEAKER_03: We'll do that on the next one. We'll do that on the next one.

1:05:25 SPEAKER_00: Um, Mr.

1:05:28 SPEAKER_03: Steve, thank you so, so much to for this episode.

1:05:44 SPEAKER_03: Hi, friend. Thanks for tuning in to the Warriors Haven podcast, where we turn discipline into freedom and help you build the body, mindset, and lifestyle you deserve. If today's episode fired you up or gave you just that little push you needed, don't stop here. Head on over to the WarriorsHaven.com where you'll find details on how to jumpstart the next version of you. Remember, it's not about being perfect, it's about showing up for yourself every single day. So until next time, stay strong, stay focused, and stay ready.

1:06:15 SPEAKER_03: I'm Jaycia Sutherland, and you're listening to the Warriors Haven podcast.