The Invisible Forces Behind Every Relationship: Love, Business & The Patterns We Can’t See

0:08 SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Warriors Haven Podcast, the place where discipline meets purpose and everyday people become unstoppable. I'm your host, Jaisha Sutherland, a retired Army drill sergeant, single mom, and the founder of the Warriors Haven. Around here, we talk fitness, mindset, and the mission of building a stronger you, mentally, physically, and financially. Because this isn't just about the gym. It's about life, leadership, and living on your terms. So gear up, lock in, and let's step into the haven where Warriors are made.

0:53 SPEAKER_03: Hey friends, welcome to the Warriors Haven podcast. Let's start today's episode with a question, which at this point I think you guys already know I love to do. What if the thing standing between you and the relationship you want isn't the other person? What if it's something you can't see? Because we've been talking about invisible forces throughout the series. We've talked about things underneath the surface that influence our decisions, our identity, our discipline, our energy, and our lives.

1:23 SPEAKER_03: And today we're taking that conversation somewhere deeply human relationships. Because here's something I've learned you can build an incredible business and still have a terrible relationship. You can make money and still feel lonely. You can be successful professionally and completely exhausted emotionally. And sometimes the same invisible force creating problems is one area of your life that is creating problems everywhere else. So today we're gonna talk about love, communication, business, leadership, conflict, trust, and what it actually takes to build something healthy that lasts.

2:12 SPEAKER_03: And I couldn't think of a better person to have this conversation with today than today's guest. Andre, welcome to the Warriors Haven podcast.

2:22 SPEAKER_02: Thank you. Good morning. Appreciate it.

2:25 SPEAKER_03: Yes. Okay, so before we get into the deeper stuff, I want people to understand the man behind the expertise. You've had a fascinating journey. You worked in entertainment, business, communication, and now relationship coaching. And somewhere along the way, understanding people became a major part of your life's work. So I want you to take us back. What happened in your life that made you become so fascinated with understanding relationships and human behavior?

2:57 SPEAKER_02: Good question. I'm trying to try to be quick because it started when I was five years old. So I realize that five years old, like is in my world, right?

3:13 SPEAKER_02: Like a three-year-old disagrees with you, there's a fit and rolling around on the ground, right? That's how they communicate. So feelings is how so we start speaking and learning language by three, three, right? By five years old is where we I call it coming online, where our we can actually use our thoughts to think, right, and to explain our feelings. So we kind of at five years old, we all come online, and the where the world comes together as the this is my life, this is my setting. Interesting, right?

3:40 SPEAKER_02: This is how you literally come online, and consciousness kicks in at five, you know. And so at five years old, my came into I was born, I was born in the wrong family. These are not my people. I don't fit in here, they don't like me, I don't understand, right? And turned out that, but that was sort of something I came to in a moment. And explanation later that I understood is my mother, I was an accident, she didn't want me, so she was pregnant with me and not wanting me. She was hating being pregnant, which I transcribed or received that she hated me, right?

4:14 SPEAKER_02: Which she kind of did. She was into the shit out of being pregnant, she was sick the whole time, and then that continue on to continue on ignoring me. Right, I'm not supposed to be here. Like, this is like the feeling in my gut was you're not supposed to be here, you're not supposed to be here, right? So these people were not anyway. So it's kind of weird and very disturbing as a five-year-old, and realized I was on my own, I was gonna have to raise myself, take care of myself, and okay. But what happened in that moment, literally, the next moment, my in my radar turned outward, and I started watching the world and people around me trying to understand how this is possible, first of all.

4:46 SPEAKER_02: But I became the observer, like five years old, watch the world, watch the world. I went to school, watch everybody, watch everything. I was the kid in the corner, watching everyone, and then that's when I became fascinated with the human condition. Because I mean, in the local community at school, right? This guy's a geek, this guy's a stud, this guy can look in the eyes, this chick kind of loose, this one is so insecure, right? And then all in the same little community, right? I'm like, how do people get to be like that?

5:13 SPEAKER_02: So to me, it was fascinating. The more I looked, the more I watched, the more I was curious. My brain is like this. Once I want to know everything, and that's how I've literally became fascinated with human beings. I guess it's trying to understand my circumstances and and how do people turn out the way they are? So that's how it started.

5:33 SPEAKER_03: Wow. Did your own relationships teach you something that books couldn't?

5:41 SPEAKER_02: Oh, I mean, you're talking about my present relationships or all just all of them in general. Yeah, I know. I mean, like, I just was trying to figure out how the hell that I fit into the whole system. Like, I'm not supposed to be here. So everywhere I went, I bumped into some version of that. I'm invisible, I don't, you know, I'm visible, I don't fit in, I'm a geek. Like people like Louie, I'm I'm I'm I'm invisible. Like I go to school and I just so it was always kind of a mirror on on how I internalize not supposed to be here, which I projected on everything.

6:14 SPEAKER_02: So thinking it's my reality. We understand the reality is the one we created by the police that we made as a five, six-year-old, right? And so at the time I was just stuck in it, but yeah, the the the everything affected we're not supposed to be here.

6:29 SPEAKER_03: Wow, wow. So I love starting there because this connects directly to the invisible series, which is the series we're in right now for the Warriors Haven podcast. And because sometimes the most important lessons in our lives aren't the things that happen to us, they're the things those experiences teach us about ourselves. So I want to dive in, Andre. Let's get into something I think a lot of people listening are going to recognize. They leave one unhealthy relationship, then they get into another relationship.

7:00 SPEAKER_03: And somehow the story changes, but the pattern doesn't. Different person, same problem, different relationship, same argument, different partner, same emotional experience. Why do we keep recreating relationship patterns even when we consciously want something different?

7:20 SPEAKER_02: Ah, because our lives are driven by the subconscious, not the conscious. You understand the whole thing about we only use 10% of our brain, right? It's actually 5%. And there's only 5% of us that is conscious, everything else is subconscious. So what happens to all of us, which is the loop that you just talked about, getting stuck in a loop, different relationship, different same result, same result. Men are all, men are all. No, it's you. Women are all. No, it's you. You're creating this pattern because if you believe again at five years old, mine was I don't I'm not supposed to be here, I don't belong here, I'm not supposed to, right?

7:52 SPEAKER_02: I'm an accident, right? But most people is I'm not lovable, I'm not good enough. The world is dangerous, right? I can't trust men, I can't trust women, I can't trust people, right? I'm on my own, right? Like I'm not worthy, right? This is like belief that we create at five years old. Like I said, when we come online and look at our lives as little kids, and most of us are not loved right. Most of us have not loved right. We're having ridiculous families with ridiculous settings, and we take that personally.

8:19 SPEAKER_02: So if I'm not loved right as a kid, we think it's us. There's something wrong with me. And that conclusion, I'm not lovable, I'm not good enough, whatever it is, it becomes imprinted on your hard drive, which doesn't mean like a computer. That's the primary, you know, that's the default system. That's where it starts. So you can keep adding to the computer, but the programming is I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. So as a woman, you will attract men who will confirm to you the rest of your life until you do your work that you're not good enough.

8:48 SPEAKER_02: So, right, that you're not worthy or whatever. So, not worthy, not lovable is simply women's, you know, kind of injuries. For men, is I'm not good enough. I don't, I you know, I can't keep up or I can't um I can't compete. I can't, I'm not capable enough, right? So they feel so that kind of whole so if you think you're not good enough, if you think you're not worthy of love, you will attract people who will confirm that for you. And then you go, it's called um reticular activation system, right?

9:19 SPEAKER_02: It's like it's what's on your radar, what's your consciousness? The same way that if you buy a white Tesla, all of a sudden you see them everywhere. Yeah, reticular activation system. If you think people are dangerous, you will attract dangerous people and they go, see, see, and then and then your subconscious, your conscious goes, ah, see, see, and now you start proving your point. Again, the tragedy of this is we we make decisions about ourselves, the world, people, and life at five years old, and this shit never goes away, it kicks in until you wake up to the fact that okay, there's a loop, there's a loop, there's a loop, and it can be all people with the common denominator is you, the common denominator is me.

9:58 SPEAKER_02: Okay, so now I have somewhere to focus on me. Then I call it doing your work, right? So, but the tragedy of our brain is we just repeat what we believe as a five-year-old. It's tragic.

10:10 SPEAKER_03: Okay, so let me ask you this question how do we recognize a pattern before we're already emotionally invested?

10:18 SPEAKER_02: Well, look at the pattern. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just like you look you want to know how your brain is functioning. Look at the quality of your life. Whatever you got, you create it. Simply, right? So the pattern is the you know, you when you see the pattern, this is when you have to go, where does that come from? Again, by the way, the beliefs that we made as a five, six-year-old, we're completely forgot about them. And that's why we're kind of blind to it. Then we go, I want a good relationship, I want somebody to love me, I want to be, I want to be, but subconscious is like, but you're not worthy, you're not good enough, right?

10:52 SPEAKER_02: And it it will actually attract, we'll talk about energy, right? Yeah, will attract exactly what you focus on that you don't even focus on, it's just driving again. The hard drive underneath is pulling you into those beliefs, trying to prove it. Reticular activation system, proving what you believe. And you go, see, you can't trust men, see, they're all crazy, see, women are see, see, and then you start believing that, and now by the time you're midlife, you're on cruise control and you literally screwed.

11:19 SPEAKER_02: And this is when people give up. And or which is a fantastic makes me smile, if people either give up, right, and or step in and do their work. Like we all get a second child a chance midlife to handle your shit, to handle yourself, to handle your traumas, clean that up to live the life you want. But very few people actually, very few people, a small percentage of people actually do the work. People uh see the most people just fall into cruise control. And I've had women say to me, like, you know, 42 years old, 45 years old.

11:51 SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, some of us just aren't meant to have relief families, I guess, because I'm not like you know, and actually start believing the stories of you know, there's nobody out there for them. Like, stop. The moment you believe that, it's over. Yeah, so you have to fight for it, is what I'm saying. You know, it's not your fault, it's your family's ancestry, right? It's ancestral crap, it's trauma through, you know, but it's primarily your childhood, you know, traumas that actually drive you and and compete, keep you where you are.

12:20 SPEAKER_02: And so that has to be cleaned up. First thing I do with my clients, we clean out the trauma from your nervous system. It's I can't get anybody in a healthy relationship to clean up your trauma. Yeah, and we all have trauma, right? Small, medium, large, like and neglect amendment and abuse issues. Some people have all of them, plus sexual abuse, you know what I mean. So we're all traumatized at some level. I'm not good enough. I'm not supposed to be here with mine, right? Like, so that's gotta get cleaned up in order for me to be feel worthy of love.

12:46 SPEAKER_02: And you know, my wife could not have come into my life with the I'm not supposed to be here paradigm. Like, nobody is here to complete you. You have to do, you know, you have to clean yourself up first. Oh, I could do this all day long.

13:01 SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, I love it. I love it, I love it. So, can someone actually change their relationship patterns without changing themselves first?

13:09 SPEAKER_02: Uh you can't. You're blind to it, you can't see it, and you you can't do it alone. I hate to say you can't do it alone. You need somebody to like, you know, this it's the way it's like the same way that I'm looking at you, right? I have a sense of you energetically, right? Just your personality, I get the vibe that you even through a computer, and you back at me, but I don't know what the energy that I bring, right? I can't see me like you see me, you can't see you like I see you, right? And in the realm of you know, trauma release, do you're blind to it until I go, Did you notice what you just said?

13:44 SPEAKER_02: You see what you believe there, you see what's going on, and what's that, you know, and good. And so the idea is we we we're blind to it. We're in it. It's like a fish thinking, you know, what's water? They're in it, right? They're just in it, like they don't have the consciousness of like you know, of it. So it's the same thing with human. We're like in it, in it, and we can't see any of it. Somebody on the outside has to go, look, what's happening? Why are you doing this? Where's that come from?

14:08 SPEAKER_02: Is that yours? Is that your parents? Is that the trauma? Like, what what what what? And start peeling the onion to get the source of again. I do this in like a few minutes, like in 20 minutes, I get to people's like trauma in childhood. Do you know what I mean? It's really simple. It's like da-da-da-cause like 10 questions, and then we go, Look, you're not broken. You just that is a belief you created when you were little because your parents were whatever, right? And so it's not true, it's just what you thought, what you believe about yourself per circumstances, that is not the truth.

14:39 SPEAKER_02: How about we clean that up? Liberation, and all of a sudden now you can learn to step into a relationship with understanding men and women, right? Where Mars and Venus is not wide enough, we're completely different human beings. So, as a woman, if you traumatize, you attract men who will traumatize you, that's right, and vice versa. So when we clean that up, then what's a real man, right? Provide, protect, chairs, give support, lead, pay. That's what men do naturally. No manipulation needed. Well, how do you attract one of those?

15:08 SPEAKER_02: Right? Because you have a system often that's not trusting of men for the ladies, and for men that they don't know how to be men for the ladies. Do you know what I mean? So this welcome to our culture. So they that's the whole journey, right? Clean the trauma, learn about stepping back into your femininity if you're a woman. If you're a man, step back into your you know devoted masculinity, right? That's stoic, beautiful, protective, right? It's not toxic, it's such crap. Masculinity is it's not toxic, right?

15:36 SPEAKER_02: It's toxic people are toxic, men and women, period. Right? So when men step back into their their natural devoted masculinity, they provide, they protect their chairs, they support, they lead, they pay, right? Like they do everything that that requires typically is still very traditional of men. Yeah, and so that's the that's that's the juice. Get back into I call it your lane. As a woman, back into your femininity, it's a better life, as much it'll make you happy. You as a man, step into your masculinity, it's a better life.

16:03 SPEAKER_02: Now we men have to have sensitivities, which we'll both have masculine and feminine, so we have to dance, right, and balance the energies. As a woman, if you're too much in your masculine, it'll cost you, it'll cost you, right? You get you have both, but if you it's I call it ego dystonic, if you're too masculine, you're only this is the laws of nature, by the way. You don't if you're a masculine woman, you only attract feminine men. And you think that and you think that's men. It's not. It's again your nervous system calling out for what it knows and proving it.

16:33 SPEAKER_02: If you're a masculine woman, I'll say it again, all my clients, if you're a masculine woman, you only attract feminine men energetically. That's a yin-yang. What works better is a masculine man and feminine woman. But we live in a culture where we actually did this with all y'all. So men are passive, women are you know uh active, right? We flip the script. So women think so. Anyway, the idea is to not undo everything you build as a woman, right? Your business, your career, like we love that. We don't destroy that, it's ridiculous.

17:01 SPEAKER_02: That's not what I'm saying. But how do we recalibrate your femininity? Because now you're too tilted, and that's where women suffer, right? I have everything, I'm a boss, you know, I'm smart, I make money. How come nobody wants to date me? Hello, tilted, like this has been neglected. Masculine men aren't interested in masculine women. There's there's just not energetically, it's a collision. The yin yang. So masculine men want sweet, sensitive, warm, radiant, loving, warm, like happy women, right?

17:29 SPEAKER_02: But so boss babes don't really emit that kind of energy, and that's where the disconnect is. I have everything. How come liberal nobody wants to date me? Because you're too masculine.

17:40 SPEAKER_03: Masculine men is oh, I love that. So, friends, this is one of the biggest invisible forces we've talked about in this series. Your past can influence your present without getting permission from you, and that's powerful because if you don't recognize the force, you might blame the person instead of examining the pattern. So, Andre, we hear the word healthy relationship. You kind of touched a little bit on it while you were speaking, and we hear it constantly. But sometimes I think people don't actually know what healthy looks like.

18:16 SPEAKER_03: They know what chemistry feels like, they know what attraction feels like, they know what arguments feel like, but healthy, that's different. So, Andre, what are the characteristics of a genuinely healthy relationship?

18:32 SPEAKER_02: Back to nature. It's a yin and a yang. It's an up and a down, it's a black, it's a white, it's day and light, right? It's truth and lies, it's opposition, right? So masculinity is completely opposite to femininity, but that's the polarity that's necessary to come together and keep the energy together. Now, and what's happening in our culture, we decide to neutralize men and women, thinking we're smarter than nature. Nothing in nature, right, works equally. Everything is polarized in nature. Like I said, yin yang, masculine, feminine, like the lioness does not act as the lion.

19:06 SPEAKER_02: Nothing in any, even if the plant world, right, there's opposite for growth, for polarity, for things to flow and to stay energized and connected. So we live in a culture where we neutralize men and women, soften the men, and you know, make the women masculine, and that is what doesn't work. So a healthy relationship really is the way I call it is my strength as a male is different than my wife's strength as a woman. Right? Like what she brings is completely different than what I bring, but put that together complementary, boom, right?

19:37 SPEAKER_02: We're talking like family, marriage, legacy. That's always the way it's worked. But in our culture, you know, we kind of flip the script and nobody knows how to be, nobody has knows how to get come together. So I call it line up with the essence of your bodies. As a woman, you'll be better off living through your femininity, magnetizing masculine men as opposed to feminine man. And these guys provide, protect, share, like I said, like nutritional, they'll do this like just because masculinity protects feminine energy.

20:08 SPEAKER_02: Men are only protective of feminine women. Men do not protect masculine women because instinctively, energetically, you talked about, masculine does not protect masculine. That's not my job to protect my buddy. Now it's his job to get his shit together, right? I'll I'll put my foot in his butt when he's screwing up, but I'm not protecting him of anything.

20:28 SPEAKER_03: Right.

20:29 SPEAKER_02: We'll protect the feminine. So masculine women don't get the the benefit of male's protection. We like ignore you, we don't see you, right? You're you're you're one of us. You don't even show up on the radar. And if you do, you're typically irritating. Because masculine women are irritating to masculine men, right? Bossy, combative, opinionated in my face.

20:49 SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, yeah.

20:51 SPEAKER_02: You want this? You think I want this in my house?

20:53 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

20:54 SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean? And women like, I don't understand. I have everything. I have no trouble. You're you're a man in a skirt, right? You were told that that's the way to go. It's not.

21:05 SPEAKER_04: Yeah.

21:05 SPEAKER_02: Not not if you want to pull in a magnet, you know, a man who will provide it for that can make you feel safe. Because ultimately, ultimately, women want to feel safe. Yeah. And men want to be respected. Right? Another another disconnect in our culture.

21:21 SPEAKER_03: So, Andre, what does emotional safety actually look like in a healthy relationship?

21:28 SPEAKER_02: Oh, so again, for men, men feel love when you they feel respected first. So we both want love and respect. Right? But get this if you can tell a man how much you love him all the time, if he doesn't feel respected by you, it doesn't go in, it doesn't connect. Because to men, respect is love. To a woman, love makes you feel respected. So we both want both, but they occur backwards. So it and it starts with the ladies. I hate to say this is the laws of nature, right? If you don't respect a man, he can never love and cherish you.

22:00 SPEAKER_02: So you have to respect him first for him to actually see you as loving and cherishing. Right? So when he feels respected, right, he will then love and cherish you, which makes you feel respected, and then you can love and cherish him more, and that's the loop that works. Right? So when women say, I need he needs he needs to respect me, no. Yes, but no, right? And not the way that a man needs to be respected. Right? Respect him, he'll cherish you, you'll feel respected. You when you feel respected, you can love and cherish him back.

22:29 SPEAKER_02: And that's the loop, the nature that works. So emotional safety for the ladies is really feeling safe with a man, right? But for him, it starts with respect, right? And so again, if you don't respect a man, he can't love you. If you don't feel cherished by a man, you can't respect him.

22:46 SPEAKER_00: Simple. Freaking simple, right?

22:49 SPEAKER_02: But if Oh, I love that. You see what I mean? So respect is masculine, ladies. You want respect that's asking to be, you know, treated like a man and masculine man, you know, you want cherishing to feel safe. That means you have to respect him, and you'll cherish the hell out of you.

23:06 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. How do healthy couples communicate?

23:12 SPEAKER_02: Oi, you open that kind of warm. We're gonna be here all day.

23:16 SPEAKER_03: Well, this is here.

23:18 SPEAKER_02: I I there's right, I'll just give you the flashlight, whatever. Understand that that's a big part of my work. I'm a I'm an educator of effective communications, communication strategies, like especially between men and women, because it's also parent, child, and you know, employer, employee. That's all communication. People think communication, everybody talks about communication because we think it's the words that we use that create the results. No, it's if you don't get the results, you're not communicating.

23:43 SPEAKER_02: Period. It's a results, but driven. This is what you know. And men and women, are you ready? This is so ridiculous. This sounds so ridiculous, but it's factual. This is my work, right? Men and women don't listen and speak the same way. When when you listen, when I'm talking to a woman, what she's hearing is not what I'm trying to tell her. What I try what she's hearing is not literally what I'm saying that I'm trying to like come across because you're listening with a different filter. You're not listening, right?

24:12 SPEAKER_02: And when women talk to us, we also have a filter. And when you think you're communicating, you're typically not, because you use the hints, any windows, and tones of voice. We have zero brain and awareness for hints and windows, you know, tone of voice. We listen to the words, so you listen to the energy, we listen to the words. So you give me energy of it'd be nice for you to be like, What are you saying? What? What what ask me directly. How many times have you heard a man say this? Ask me directly.

24:37 SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean? Because I don't know what you're saying with your hints and your windows. Do you know what I mean? That's how you communicate with each other. I get it, it doesn't work for us. On the other side, right? How many times have you heard a man say, or men have said uh from a woman, like, it's not what you said, it's the way you said it.

24:52 SPEAKER_00: And we're like, what the hell are you talking about? Forget what how I said it, listen to what I'm freaking saying, right? Yes.

24:58 SPEAKER_02: So this is the big part that most of us miss. We literally don't listen and hear each other. We constantly think we're communicating because we speak English. You look at my face, you understand the words that come out of my mouth, so we can we're not freaking communicating. We have different filters that we're completely blind to it, and that creates collision, frustration, anger, disconnect. And people think he's a jerk and she's crazy. That's not it. We speak and listen differently until you decode this, you know, you're gonna struggle because again, you'd assume that he's cold and not caring, and he thinks, I don't understand what the hell she's saying.

25:34 SPEAKER_03: Right.

25:34 SPEAKER_02: That's not cool, right? But that's that's how it kind of collides.

25:38 SPEAKER_03: So, one one thing, a method I was I was taught was um, you know, when you're having a conversation with your partner, it's you know, you're talking back and forth, whatever it is, maybe even a disagreement, and you know, you pause and you allow for the silence, but then you also kind of reiterate what they've said. And instead of just kind of repeating it, you just say, Hey, you said this, this is what I heard.

26:02 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you just say yes, I heard you're what you mean.

26:07 SPEAKER_03: Yes, and then they can come back and be like, no, that's like complete opposite of whatever, right? And so I have found that that has really saved me a lot of mental cells in my brain, um, and has really calmed down a lot of the arguments and the disagreements because it's like, wait, you know, and so that's kind of been something that I was taught. Is that something that you also teach too, like with your clients?

26:33 SPEAKER_02: That's another tool for sure, right? Because again, we don't hear each other because you know, we speak with different filters. So when you kind of go, how many times have you heard a guy say, and I'm sure like every woman, I've sorry this like the guy will go, that's not what I said, that's not what I did, that's not what I meant, that's not at all what I was talking about. How the hell did you get there, right? None of that is the truth, none of that is what I said.

26:54 SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is, I can feel it, you know.

26:58 SPEAKER_02: Yes, right. So this that tool is is brilliant for this. Is what I heard you say is right, is that what you meant? And you go, that's not what I said, right?

27:08 SPEAKER_01: Right.

27:08 SPEAKER_02: That's not what I said, right? No, yeah, it open obviously opens the channel for clarity to a conversation for for clarity for explaining. That's a big part of it. But what typically what we do is you know, we try to have a communicate uh a conversation, communication, conflict resolution, right? But we get triggered because the way he said it, right? He wants to, right? And also now you're triggered, now you get an attitude, you know, you get an attitude, do have an attitude with a man, see what happened, right?

27:36 SPEAKER_02: He's gonna push back, he's gonna block you, he's gonna not let that in, right? Now this instant disconnect. We're trying to fix something, and we boom disconnect each other. Yes, right. So he gets snippy and he gets, you know, he's gonna push back. Even if you're right, when if you if he feels attacked, right, he's you're gonna lose. He's gonna push back if he's a man. If he's not a man, if he's more feminine, he's gonna be he's gonna say yes, sure, whatever, and become passive, aggressive, and never give you what you want.

28:01 SPEAKER_02: Right? It's a shit show. It doesn't work. What we do instinctively does not work again. Two different machines thinking with the same machine, not understanding, really. So the magic is to learn your way of communicating, learn my way of communicating, right? As much as possible, and then come in between with the tools of okay. Um, I probably got this wrong, but help me understand, right? Fantastic words for women to use. Help me understand. Yeah, help me understand. I when you did this, it hurt my feelings.

28:33 SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's what you meant, but that's how I I took it. Help me understand what we're thinking, why you said that, right? What, what, what? And again, you can't wait a week to do it. We don't we don't remember. You have to do it like the next the day or the next day. Because a lot of these injuries are teeny, and the guy's like, What do you mean? I don't remember what are you talking about? You know, we're standing outside Home Depot, and you're talking to this woman, and like what yesterday?

29:00 SPEAKER_02: Yes, woman. Okay, hold on. Oh, the lady, the lady, like I seriously. So you understand you're attached, you you remember very well because there's an emotion attached to it. Yeah, so you can be at that moment at the flash and you actually don't let it go. I'm just there's no attachment for me. So if you don't bring that forward like quickly, you'll think he's crazy and doesn't care because he won't remember. No, he's a dude.

29:25 unknown: Yes.

29:26 SPEAKER_03: So I don't for me, one thing I've I've applied in in all things, not just you know, just relationship but in business as well, is when I'm having a conversation with someone, a counterpart, whatever, it's hey, help me better understand. I want to better understand XYZ. So for our friends, I want you to think about your current relationship or your most recent relationship. Don't judge it, just observe it. Ask yourself do I feel like I can be honest without being punished for being honest? And that I feel like is a powerful question.

29:57 SPEAKER_03: So, Andre, let's talk about communication because I know it is one of your specialties, because everybody says communication is important. But saying communication is important and actually knowing how to communicate are two completely different things, which you just hinted at. What is the biggest communication mistake you see people making in relationships?

30:17 SPEAKER_02: Again, assuming that the person is actually talking like you and listening like you, right? As far as so, men on man, we know exactly how it works, right? We don't have the conflict with men, right? Because we speak and listen to each other's words. Women and when woman and woman, you understand each other completely because hints in any windows you pick up right away. Yes, you know, you actually hear tones of voice. How are you doing, Susie? Oh, I'm fine. What's wrong? Right. What's wrong? Right?

30:42 SPEAKER_02: You can tell something's wrong to a dude, to a man, no, and because we don't listen to tone, we listen to words. I'm fine. Oh, cool. So yes, you know what I mean? That's a that's so women who think they're being obvious by the tone, when he doesn't respond because he's listening to the words, you think what a jerk. It's just like I'm obviously I'm obviously upset he doesn't care. He doesn't care, doesn't respect me, doesn't love me, don't no, different animal, different brain. So I teach the ladies, get this, this is gonna sound ridiculous, but factual.

31:16 SPEAKER_02: I teach ladies to speak Menglish. Oh, there's a language of men, there's also a language for women, right? I call it winglish, yeah. But it's it's it's it's because ladies get your feelings hurt more. Let's face it, right? You get your feelings hurt more, you get emotional more, you get life comes at you left and right, and you change your moods throughout the day 16 times. It's like the weather in New York. Yes, right, it changes all day long. You're just because life coming at you will change your mood, will change how you feel.

31:48 SPEAKER_02: We don't operate that way.

31:49 SPEAKER_03: We're like yeah, very plateau, right?

31:53 SPEAKER_02: Because life and the environment does not affect our moods, it affects your moods because we're more logical and heady, you're more emotional and hearty. Yeah, all right, beautiful. So talk about two different distinctions, right? Two different machines again, right? So the concept of using your feelings to try to get to his brain, he will then use his brain to logically tell you that your feelings are wrong. Right, yes, yes, you know what I mean. So again, it's really not understanding the difference way that we that we do all of this, right?

32:26 SPEAKER_02: So again, Menglish is a way for the ladies to when you're frustrated, when you're angry, when you've had enough, when you bit your tongue 16 times this week because you did this and he hope I can't believe it's not a huge offense, it's simple for you to go clench, right? But it's not big enough. You don't want to bring it up because it's gonna start a fight, and because every time you try to explain something to him, you start a fight, right? Again, because you attack him tone of voice or you put your finger in his face, even like energetically, right?

32:57 SPEAKER_02: You you lean on him with this is to change, and I want you to, right? Trying to make him act right. That's an insult on a warrior, that's an attack on me that's not invited. So if you're gonna like get upset and let it pile up, and so by the time that you're ready to talk about it, you're actually angry at me, right? And I feel that coming at me, poop, even if you're right, I'm gonna push you back, you're gonna lose. And then you think I'm a jerk, right? So, how do you approach a man when you're upset?

33:26 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, respectfully, again, it's a respect for paradigm. How do you approach him respectfully? So that's a big part of my work. So, just again, there's no time for us to explain all this here, but it's really like a little manglish. And by the by the by the time you he feels like you're not attacking him, right, and then what he wants to do is fix it for you because men are neurotic fixers. So instead of attacking me, tell me that this hurt your feelings, right? And is it sort of you'd like me to pay attention to that because it hurt your feelings, and you know, it doesn't feel good, and when you're upset, you know, it's not good for either one of us, and you'll feel it, and there's gonna be disconnect.

34:04 SPEAKER_02: So help me understand. Right? You can't attack him, you have to invite him. Invite him to explain to be your because he wants to be a hero, he wants you to feel good. Get this all of us masculine men, by the way. In my world, there's four types of men. So, not every a male in front of you doesn't mean you have a man in front of you. Distinction number one that I teach my ladies, right? Boys don't take care of you, men take care of you, boys take advantage, men provide, protect, right? So they look the same, completely different beings, right?

34:33 SPEAKER_02: So um I lost my train of thought. Hold on. What you were just saying, uh, I get pictures in my head. So my my memory is visualized, so when I see pictures in my head, often it derailes me from my point. We're just talking about come on, it was important.

34:52 SPEAKER_03: Um it was important. No, it's just when when we have the disagreements in our relationship and our communication style, you were talking about the respect, and you know, for us the main yes, the manglish, and us learning kind of how to speak in in that tone, in that vocabulary, so that it's understanding.

35:11 SPEAKER_02: Not tone. Yeah, not the tone, not the tone in the window, right?

35:14 SPEAKER_03: Y'all don't understand the ins in the the insinuos.

35:17 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and the shame. You're gonna try to shame me, you know, to make me act right, not gonna work, right? Women will do all kinds of stuff, like the two, and to us it feels like manipulation pouting, crying, stumping your feet, right? Passive aggressive, you know, silent treatment, right? All the stuff that you think that does not motivate men at all. And I keep saying, ladies, why do you do stuff that doesn't work? Like when is you know, when is being passive aggressive or being condescending has ever worked for you?

35:45 SPEAKER_02: When is shaming your man ever made him change, right? It doesn't. But women are women, it works very well. That's why you do it, not understanding the machine in front of you, right? So stop doing what doesn't work, stop doing the stuff that pushes him back, that freaks you out more because you're trying to bring him back in because it's conflict, but in the way you do it, you push him away further. Yes, that's let's learn this, you know. Let's learn this differently, right? Because if we leave us to our own demise, what we do doesn't work.

36:13 SPEAKER_02: Same with us men, by the way. I'm not blaming the ladies, the men do the same thing, right? Right, you have feelings, you get your feelings hurt, like that's not what I said, that's not what I meant. I don't know how the hell you got there, right? But let me explain to you why it's not logical for you to feel that way, right? And now I might as well throw a brick in your face. Do you know what I mean? Because again, if you if you if you don't if you're trying to logically explain a woman's feeling are illogical, which they are, that's not logical, it's a feeling, right?

36:42 SPEAKER_02: Men will try to explain to you logically why you shouldn't feel that way, right? And it's the biggest insult on women, yes, right. But we don't know this, we're just trying to explain to you why you shouldn't feel that way, because that's not what I said, that's not what I meant. And she's like, it doesn't matter we said it what you're like, no, that you didn't mean it. This is how I feel. Don't tell me how to feel, I kill you, right? Yes, yes. So for men, it's the other way around, right? Do not disrespect me.

37:05 SPEAKER_02: It's the same as me not, you know, acknowledging your feelings. So again, we kind of do this all the time.

37:11 SPEAKER_03: Yes, bing, back and forth.

37:13 SPEAKER_02: And we and keep thinking the other one's misbehaving. I can't believe he said that. I can't believe he's around. He doesn't love me, he can't respect me. Miscommunication, not understanding the machine across from you is completely different, and you have to learn. Like I said, I call it gender intelligence. As a woman, go learn what motivates men, what they do what we do, right? What gets us up in the morning, why we do what we do, why we speak the way we speak, why we don't speak very much. Like there's a whole instinctual system in place for survival, completely different than a woman's survival system.

37:45 SPEAKER_02: So, as you know, as a woman, learn my favorite thing, is what I I call it, I have the all-news manual, right? So I take I teach the lady a man's own news, I have the owners manual. I can teach you about men, right? So when I explain women, the instinct in men, the operating system of men, why we do what we do, what motivates us, how and why. About 50% of everything you take personally disappears.

38:09 SPEAKER_04: Wow.

38:10 SPEAKER_02: That is like a different reality, ladies, right? Because instead of like, how come he doesn't? I can't believe he you go, oh wait, he's just me a man. Wait, oh, he's trying to protect me. Wait, he's trying, oh look, he's just oh, he's trying to be a hero. Oh, oh, like, right? Everything you don't understand becomes focused. Like I said, about half falls off. That's a different life with the guys as opposed to I can't believe he said that. I can't believe, right? Because to you, we heard your feelings, and it's so obvious that he shouldn't have said that, he should have done that, he should have we're men, different machine, right?

38:43 SPEAKER_02: So, gender intelligence, go learn about men as much as possible, right? Same with men. If you want to be in a healthy relationship with women, cross the bridge into woman world, learn what women need instinctively to feel safe, to feel connected, to be because when she feels safe and connected, she calms down, she's happy, she's warm, she's inviting, right? She's nurturing. All the goodies come from her feeling safe and connected to you. But we don't know that because we don't need that, we don't have that.

39:10 SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean? So again, learn again. So, and what I do is like you cross the bridge over, and now when you have some knowledge, right? Owners manual men and women, right? Yeah, I can teach you. We get on the bridge and we're going to dance together. Understanding more. You know what I mean? Like I said, it's like dancing. If you if you're gonna do look behind me, it's my wife and I bottom dancing. Yes, this needs practice. You cannot be a bottom dancer, you know, and excel at any kind of the bottom dances without practicing.

39:41 SPEAKER_02: So relationships are the same. Learn both sides, come together, and now start practicing together on the bridge. In the beginning, it's clunky, it's awkward, you step on each other's toes, but if you keep practicing, like bottom dancers, gliding, flowing, beauty, compatibility, right? Coming together, complementary energies, right? And there's no equality in that, right? It's it's it's yin yang again, right? So I lead my wife on the dance floor with sensitivities, otherwise, she won't want to dance with me.

40:09 SPEAKER_02: Hello, relationships, right? On the other side, the only way she could be vulnerable to my leadership is because she trusts me that I'm not gonna crank her arm, I'm not gonna hurt her, I'm not gonna spin to her into a wall, right? So there's like like um leading with sensitivities and be able to be vulnerable, right? And trust so that she actually slips in a feminine one. My wife lets me lead, right? Again, with sensitivities, awareness, and the conversation, they all have to come in between. But on the dance floor, right, if you watch ballroom couples, the guy is invisible.

40:43 SPEAKER_02: Yes, all we do is look at the woman, right? Because when because he takes on a journey where she could just be free, be herself, and then she radiates feminine energy, right? Oh that energy again, and then she takes all the attention, she she she literally shines. You know what I mean? And that's that's my job to make my wife shine, right? To make her feel safe, to make her feel open and vulnerable to me, and that's the beauty of the yin yang, right? I'm my masculinity brings out her femininity.

41:10 unknown: Beautiful.

41:11 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. All right, Andre, here's where I want to connect this to business because if we can't communicate when we're emotionally activated at home, you're probably not magically becoming a completely different person when you walk into your business. The same nervous system comes with you, the same beliefs come with you, the same communication patterns come with you. So let's take this into the business world.

41:34 SPEAKER_01: Yep.

41:35 SPEAKER_03: Um You've worked with people not only around relationships, but around communication and human dynamics. And entrepreneurs are constantly building relationships. We're building partners, employees, clients, coaches, investors, customers, teams, spouses. What relationship principle do you successful businesses often like overlook? What relationship principles do the businesses um overlook?

42:01 SPEAKER_02: So typically, typically, doing business is masculine. You know what I mean? You step in, you compete, you fight, you push, you're trying to get some some traction, right? You just it's competitive. Compet competition and conquering anything is masculine. So now women in the world of business act like men, compete like men, push like men, make money like men, right? And sort of become start acting like men because it takes that to get some results. So we live in a masculine world.

42:27 SPEAKER_03: Yes, right.

42:27 SPEAKER_02: So we put masculine feminine women in a masculine world and a masculine energy space, that it requires them to cultivate and grow their masculinity. Now, again, that's beautiful for business. Now, and if we talk about biology again, right, because my work is all nothing, nothing I'm saying is my opinion. It's all you know, nature, biology, science, anthropology, and psychology, right? It's a cocktail of human beings' behavior. But biologically, women experience this is the the work of Dr. John Gray, Mars and Venus, for for a similar work week, work day, right?

43:06 SPEAKER_02: Which means, you know, getting up, you know, get in the shower, get in the car, get into work, compete, compete, compete, get back in the car, right? All a regular work week stress on a woman is six times more stressful than it is on us men. We we built for competition, we like it, it turns us on, it makes us sort of it activates us.

43:26 SPEAKER_00: Okay, guys, let's get this done, right?

43:28 SPEAKER_02: And we win, and we high five, and you know, the satisfaction of a hard day, the satisfaction that brings to us, the fact that I produced results and I competed and I won actually regulates my hormones, makes me feel more like a man.

43:42 SPEAKER_04: Wow. Right?

43:43 SPEAKER_02: When a woman fights in the world like a man, six times the stress and it eats you from the inside. So you're in a burnout, overwhelmed, anxious. Everything lovely about you is out the window. The part that we like, the feminine warmth, loveliness, connection, joyful, right? That's out the window, right? And so you get dysregulated in your bodies, right? Because a woman's for us, like competition brings dopamine, which actually regulates our nervous system and our hormones. For you ladies, the hormones you need is oxytocin, which comes from connection, right?

44:15 SPEAKER_02: Community, talking together, talking, feeling safe with your family, your friends, right? Your community, right? But in the masculine world, you get no oxytocin from being competitive. So you become dysregulated, you're burnt out, right? You're and and your body is not right. You literally dysregulate hormonally, right? And you're miserable. And you become invisible to the man. So like the relationship becomes very difficult, both at work and at home, for being dysregulated, just because women are better when they feel they they they live in this again instinctively, naturally, right?

44:52 SPEAKER_02: Like biologically, women are more built to be nurturing, to be connected, to feel safe, to community, to the world around her, right? A woman's quality of life is directly uh correlated to the quality of relationships around her. For men, men do not do this that way, right? The quality of her quality of life for men is to be capable, right, to compete, to conquer, and to win. So when women are forced into that role, they've they suffer. And the worst part is it pushes away men. The guys that you want to show up to provide to help you don't see you in that energy.

45:29 SPEAKER_02: Are you with me? I could do this all day long, but it's so freaking simple. It's simple. So, ladies, you could be boss, but it might cost you, you know, your love life and a family. Yeah, you know, so there's a way to do both, by the way. This is what I'm talking about. My wife has both. My wife does both, my wife has everything, right? So she's a prima ballerina, she's a ballerina her whole life. She was six years old, right? So, like, that's her passion, that's what she does. That's who she is, right?

45:56 SPEAKER_02: Dancers, like that's who they are, it's not it's an identity, right? But you know, now she teaches at two colleges, part-time, gets to mentor these young students into the world of ballet for like the past 20 years.

46:11 SPEAKER_04: Wow.

46:12 SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean? So she gets to contribute to the world, she's a she's she contributes to the world, she has an effect on the world, which she likes, but she's a ballerina, right? It's a very nurturing kind of environment, which is in line up with her essence and her body and her femininity. Yeah, on the flip side of that, because she does that part-time, the flip side of her life is she gets to be a mom and a wife, which also we can exit to a nurturing energy, right? So my wife is very, very, very hormonally regulated because she gets to nurturing both in business and in life.

46:43 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.

46:44 SPEAKER_02: Put the same woman into a 60-hour week, I lose her.

46:48 SPEAKER_03: Right.

46:48 SPEAKER_02: And a marriage is compromised because no longer do I have a woman in my house or a mother, I have a I have a burnt-out woman who I can't connect with any longer.

46:57 SPEAKER_03: Yes, right.

46:58 SPEAKER_02: So let me do the hard work, right? The outside work I call it.

47:02 SPEAKER_01: Right.

47:02 SPEAKER_02: Do more of the inner world world, right? That again, yin yang. And this is how it's always worked better for her body, for her energy, for her essence, for her happiness, and for mine. I'm better out there. Yeah, yeah, I'm better competing and pushing like a fool. It kills you, ladies, right? What's better for you is to pull it back a little bit, contribute, but softly, right? And do the connecting work, do the emotional energy work, do the nurturing work, right? The children, the friends, the community, the plow, the quality of your relationship.

47:36 SPEAKER_02: I'll say it again, ladies, the quality of the relationships around you, all relationships, when they're all good, this is what women are happier. Yeah. Not competing like a dude.

47:46 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. So I'm gonna go ahead and segue us to the finalization of the episode. This is just this has been so fun. Um, we've talked about what breaks relationships, the mindset with the business that you just covered, but I want to flip it really quickly. You work with people who want stronger, healthier relationships. So let's imagine someone listening right now saying, I don't want another toxic relationship. I don't want another failed business relationship. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes.

48:17 SPEAKER_03: I want to build something healthy. What does that person need to understand about themselves before they can build the relationship they're asking for?

48:26 SPEAKER_02: You cannot nobody will complete you, nobody will actually fix you, nobody will make you happy. You have to have that for you first. So, again, the first thing I do with my clients, we start with a trauma release of the false belief that you're carrying with you that you forgot about that keeps you attracting the wrong type of people. And you know it's the wrong type of people, and you know they keep coming, so it's you. So smart people go, hmm. Yeah, if if I'm causing all this, then maybe I could fix this, which is what smart people do, right?

48:58 SPEAKER_02: And you find somebody like me to help you release your trauma. Do you know what I mean? So you get clear-minded and release that false belief that again you forgot about. That's the part that once that's why people are blind to it. They go, you know, I could fix this. So the next guy, you know, if I am better, a better girlfriend, if I'm a better cook, if I'm more attentive, if I'm more nurturing, if I'm more available, right? Like the right guy's gonna find me. Well, yeah, all that is good, but the the what's driving this is I'm not lovable, I'm not worth whatever it is, and that will not, no amount of willpower will get you on the other side.

49:31 SPEAKER_02: You got to clean up the system. So again, both men and women, you have to do your work, clean up your nervous system, get yourself recalibrated, right? And and from that place of being centered, literally knowing you, but also you have to. It sounds so woo-woo, it's so LA, right? But like unless you love yourself first, you can't love anybody, and nobody's going to love you, right? It's it's literally you have to be full first and bring somebody that's also full. Do you know what I mean? For us to actually do life together in a healthy dancing way.

50:06 SPEAKER_02: Nobody's gonna fix you, nobody's gonna complete you if you're you know, if you feel better with somebody because a piece of you is missing, ain't gonna work. Do you know what I mean? Because anyway, I could do this all day long, you understand. You have to do your work first and then learn the whole dynamic of what creates a healthy relationship. The communications, right? The distinction between boys, guys, men, and gentlemen, the four men, the four types of men, four types of women. So two you can't build with, two you you will build naturally, right?

50:32 SPEAKER_02: This thing. So release nervous system, you know, trauma, understanding how to get back in your body as a woman, to be masculine is to be in your head, to be feminist to be in your body.

50:42 unknown: Yeah.

50:43 SPEAKER_02: Women women in our world live in their heads, and they wonder why men don't notice them.

50:47 SPEAKER_01: Right.

50:47 SPEAKER_02: When you're in your head, you disappear from a sight, you disappear from a radar. We don't see masculinity as something interesting, right? Right? We see femininity. So to be body-centered, to be good, to be get this. Well, the reason why men will kill themselves in keeping women comfortable and happy is because guess what? When you're happy, I'm happy.

51:08 SPEAKER_04: Right.

51:09 SPEAKER_02: When you're good, I'm good.

51:11 SPEAKER_04: Yes.

51:11 SPEAKER_02: When when you're comfortable and at peace, you bring me peace. You understand? So we will go out there and work 12 12 hour freaking days to keep you comfortable. Because when I come home, I need that energy to recharge me, to light me up again, to lift my spirit. Right. I'll kill myself to come home to a happy wife.

51:32 SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

51:32 SPEAKER_02: And a happy life in a comfortable, peaceful environment. Right? That's it. That's really simple. So, again, if you become too masculine and you work as hard as men, that whole formula disappears. We don't see you. And then you resent men because you know, I have everything. How come nobody wants to date me? And if I get a date, I get ghosted because yeah, masculine or masculine is not interesting. The guys that you want want feminine, warm, lovely, radiant women, which means back in your body. So part of the work after the strong release is how do you get back in your bodies?

52:04 SPEAKER_02: And literally, as a woman, when you get back in your bodies and you get body centered and you start radiating because you're out of your head, right? All of a sudden, men smile and show up, say good morning. Women are nicer to you, right? Children smile at you, and dogs come sniffing. Like you become magnetic in the world for both for everyone, and your environment changes completely. It sounds too woo-woo for words, but it's factual. When you tune in your energy and you become a magnet of feminine energy, the world will come around to protect it.

52:35 SPEAKER_03: I love it. Andre, where can the listeners in the world reach you, get in contact with you if they have more questions? You know, just kind of want to know more, better, understand? What's what's the way to get in contact?

52:47 SPEAKER_02: All right. So my website is projectequinox.net, right? Or you can look under my name, Andrew Perity, on Google. You'll find me all over the place. Uh, but I have two gifts for you listeners, if I may. Is that cool?

52:58 SPEAKER_01: Yes.

52:58 SPEAKER_02: So I do a lot of podcasts, you know, for the reason that I'm trying to bring hope to the world. Ladies, there is a way to get a healthy relationship. Men are out there looking for wives as we speak. I go to a very fancy gym in Los Angeles, and these guys, right, ballers cannot find wives. What? So it's not men that are lacking. It's again, it's it's the the yin-yang that's been kind of compromised, and nobody can get it together, right? So I'm bringing home. Ladies, there's a way to men, yes, women are out there wanting to be, you know, um wives and mothers and all that stuff, right?

53:30 SPEAKER_02: Even in a cultural go-girl, right? Anyway, so my God mission is to change the cultural pace and go back to what works better naturally, not to the 50s. That's ridiculous, that's what I'm saying, but it's a modern way to do healthy relationship that or more uh traditional in frame. Anyway, so that's my mission. Change the the change the world. Thanks, right? That like is that all? Like, God is over there for me, right? I'm like, that's that's all that's all you want, just just change the world, change the cult.

54:02 SPEAKER_02: Okay. All right, thanks. All right, yeah, but anyway, so that is the mission. So I'm gonna send you there's two types of listeners, like I said, in in when I do podcasts that I notice. There's listeners that are just starting to like, what's that masculine and feminine thing? What's that all about? People talk about it, but I don't know what it means, right? So we call I call these people like information seekers. So we'll let the audience qualify themselves. If you're an information seeker lady, right, I'm gonna send you directly to my email.

54:29 SPEAKER_02: You ready? It's Andre Andiari Coaching, C-O-A-C-H-I-N-G, the number one at Gmail. Andre coaching one at Gmail, and a subject box is a gift for you. If you just write irresistible book, I will send you a copy of my book that I sell on my website. It's called You ready? Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible. Now, ladies, this is my work with men. This is men speaking. I love everything you wonder about us. Why do we right here? Right? Five feminine qualities. And again, this is a workbook, it's about 30 pages.

55:03 SPEAKER_02: You get to fill it out. Again, Andri Coachy1, the irresistible book, and I'll send you an additional copy. Print it and play with it. You know, like I said, again, and ladies. What men find irresistible has nothing to do with your looks, your hair color, your butt, your size, your physiology. It's all energy. The five energy that attracts men, they find irresistible. You think that's worth reading into it a little bit?

55:29 SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.

55:30 SPEAKER_02: And it'll give you a sense of what I'm up to. But this is men talking, not me.

55:33 SPEAKER_03: I'm just I love that.

55:35 SPEAKER_02: So information seekers again. So Andrew Coaching One, you can ask for the book or you know, ask me a question, tell me I'm full of crap, challenge me, I'll fix it. I'll I'll I can back it all up, right? Please, seriously, come at me. It's what you don't know that's dangerous. That's what you're assuming it's also very dangerous. So um, if you're a man and you want to give, you're just starting it, like just email me the same and I'll uh I guess stuff for you. I'm just not gonna announce it here.

55:59 SPEAKER_02: So, second type listeners, right? Uh people were like, hmm, wait, this guy makes sense. Hold on, I think he's got something, right? So if you're an action taker, right, this is a type of personality, like you like just like to step on the gas, Andre Coaching One, a Gmail, right? And the subject box, just write talk now, right? I'll send you the link to my calendar and you set up a call like this. You and I are together. So one-on-one, it's on me, it's a gift, right? But if again in that call, in the first 15 minutes, we go right back to childhood when the wheels came off.

56:34 SPEAKER_02: That explains why you're stuck in a loop.

56:36 SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that.

56:37 SPEAKER_02: Ladies and gentlemen, like they the 15 minutes I do this every day, boom, they realize the loop started there that you forgot about. We we uncover it, and then you realize you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a result of your your your circumstances as a child. So the fact now you know you're not broken, it's just what happened. We could fix that, right? That's the first thing we do. Yeah, and then if we did say we fix that, you know, what's the dream life do you want to build?

57:07 SPEAKER_02: And like I said, again, it's on me, no pressure. And but if from there, if you realize you're not broken, you want to fix it, then we'll talk about how to fix it. And you could there's different ways to work with me. No pressure as an offer, it's a gift, you know. And for some people, just that call kind of changes their lives because it's liberating to know you're not broken. Yeah, just so that's my gifts. Again, you go, I'm all social media under Project Equinox and/or Andre Parity. You go to the website, you could be there for hours.

57:36 SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of blog and articles. If you like to read, if you like to listen, podcasts are all on there. Uh go go play, but you'll see what I'm up to. But ultimately, ladies, even though I'm I'm sometimes rough you up a little bit because I'm very direct, again, it's not my opinion, it's the work. I'm here to help. I'm here to love, I'm here to you know alleviate the pain and confusion in relationships. That's my work. I do it every day. And my favorite thing, I'm gonna say it last. I don't know if you know this, I'm also an ordained minister.

58:04 SPEAKER_02: So some of my clients I married them myself. I just two last summer, like the biggest honor, right? I have one of my clients just got engaged five weeks ago, right? And she's a girl, 30, 31 years old, and she started with me. And she thought, because of her boss babe, though she was raised that way, not her fault, right? Um, she thought, I just I'll never I'll never get married. I can't, I don't understand this, it doesn't work. Right. She stepped in, she did the work, we cleaned her up. She learned how to date, she learned how to find like how to spot men, not boys, meant that that that that that that that that that that right and five weeks ago, Father's Day, I think five weeks ago, she's like, I get a picture on my WhatsApp, she's like, This oh I love it.

58:43 SPEAKER_03: Show in the ring, I love it. Yeah, yeah, see, I knew that about you, but it's because I did my research and I read about you. So I knew that part, and I knew that that's something that you offer to your clients. So it's also on the website. So Andre, I will put all of your information at the end for the show notes. Um, and I will go ahead and put all of the keywords for our friends all over the world to be able to reach you. Um, and that's where I really want to leave this conversation today. If this episode made you uncomfortable, good.

59:12 SPEAKER_03: Because sometimes discomfort is information. Maybe you recognize the pattern, maybe you recognize something in your communication, maybe you realize you've been blaming someone else for something you need to take responsibility for. Or maybe you realize that the relationship you're in isn't healthy and you've been ignoring what you already know. Whatever you discover today, don't just listen to it. Use it. Because awareness without action doesn't create transformation. And that's what this invisible series is really all about learning what to see when you can't see it and before.

59:56 SPEAKER_03: So you can change what you couldn't change before. Andre, thank you for being here and for giving us a conversation that goes far beyond relationships because ultimately the quality of your life is deeply connected to the quality of the relationships you build. And all my friends all over the world, thank you guys so much. Thank you, Andre, for being here on the Warriors Haven podcast, for listening to the Warriors Haven podcast. And I will see all of you on the next episode. Like I always end, stay strong, stay focused, stay ready.

1:00:42 SPEAKER_03: Hi, friend. Thanks for tuning in to the Warriors Haven podcast, where we turn discipline into freedom and help you build the body, mindset, and lifestyle you deserve. If today's episode fired you up or gave you just that little push you needed, don't stop here. Head on over to the WarriorsHaven.com where you'll find details on how to jumpstart the next version of you. Remember, it's not about being perfect, it's about showing up for yourself every single day. So until next time, stay strong, stay focused, and stay ready.

1:01:14 SPEAKER_03: I'm Jaisha Sutherland, and you're listening to the Warriors Haven podcast.